Today I said my goodbyes to my Niece Laura who has been in our city and actively in our lives for the past 3 years. She is the only member of my family to ever live close since I moved away, and even as a child we held a special relationship with her. Tomorrow she leaves for Pennsylvania to sort through her things and move on to the next stage of her life, whatever that may bring.
It didn’t occur to me until I was saying goodbye today that this may well be the last time I see her for a very long time. There is a family wedding we both hope to make in October, but there will be no local connection to the Krouch clan. That includes no one dropping in unannounced, hoping for dinner, no long conversations about people we don’t know, no insight into the world of 2o-somethings.
I suspect that Susie is releaved. She never quite got use to having someone just let themselves in or walk in without knocking. That is not the Adamson way. That is, however, the Krouch way, and I will miss it. Not that Susie won’t miss Laura, too. It just doesn’t mean the same thing to her.
So, that begs the question, what does it mean to me.
The relationship I have with my niece is different from the one I have with my friends because she is family. There is an expectation of understanding, tolerance and generosity that is always there and need not be earned or can not be denied. Although it is abundant, it is not limitless, so unspoken but understood boundaries exist. This all was programmed in our raising. It is as comfortable and familiar as home, and in that lies the magic.
My childhood home contained those things, “an expectation of understanding, tolerence and generosity”. It is difficult to find those things out here in the real world. Out here, they must be earned, and rightly so. Having Laura in town gave me a glimpse into the safety and comfort I enjoyed as a child.
I always knew I would miss her once she moved on from here. Now I understand why.
Missing Amy 